Let me get this straight: VanVleet doesn’t score more—he uses every possession like a Swiss watch on defense. Trading him? That’s like selling your anchor because you’re afraid of storms ahead. Our model says he’s not an asset—he’s the entire ecosystem. Meanwhile, fans are still asking: ‘Why not trade him for a star?’ … Probably because that star can’t make free throws and rebound while sipping espresso at 3AM. You think they’d find value in highlight reels? Nah. They’d find silence.

P.S. Drop a GIF of him hitting a 3-pointer with zero emotion and maximum efficiency—caption: ‘Still counting…’

If I were Nico? I’d take the €7M and ghost the €80M like it’s a TikTok challenge. Barça thinks they’re buying dreams — but my bank account? It’s just a spreadsheet with extra commas. Why pay more when your soul’s already full of analytics? This isn’t transfer season… it’s transfer therapy. Who else would trade streetball credibility for a spreadsheet that cries? Drop your salary? Nah. Just drop your therapist instead. (And yes — I’m still waiting for that GIF.)